By Morf Morford, Tacoma Daily Index
The naming of children is one of a parent’s most lasting contributions, a lasting legacy, like a tattoo – except it’s a tattoo someone else has to live with.
Some new parents give their babies the names of a cherished elder.
Others, like many current Americans it seems, go for the perpetually preposterous and embarrassing.
There was a trend that began several years ago of naming children, especially girls, with traditional last names. Cooper, Madison, Taylor and Wilson are only a few examples.
Pseudo (as in totally made-up) quasi ethnic names are also popular.
Many parents seem to be going for a faux Celtic legacy by attaching put ‘eigh’ into just about any name.
That name is a Tragedeigh
One set of parents, lambasted on social media, was planning on the name “Reighfyl” pronounced like ‘rifle’ for their daughter.
I can see a trend developing here – one that, like most trends, reflects our current obsessions and values.
Why, after all, have a child named William or James or Susan when you could have one (or more than one) named Felony, Syndikeight (syndicate), Cartel, Butcher, Danger, or even Jennicyde (genocide), Phelonias (felonious), Pathogen or Phobia?
Cruel and unusual: It’s not just Disney Dwarf mothers who give terrible names
Some parents seem to think that naming their children after favorite places, characters or even phonetic rhymings is a good idea.
We have a prominent political figure who named her children Track, Trig, Sleepy, Piper and Willow.
Or at least all of those except one.
Apostrophes “R” us
Some parents decide to fend their obsessions or fantasies on the rest of us by incorporating awkward (and, in most cases, unnecessary) punctuation – usually an apostrophe.
Please don’t
‘J’Den’ in place of Jayden, D’Arcy, pronounced like Darcy, and A’mia are only a few examples. You might also consider D’Kota, Cam’Ron and A’Laysyn. Or Z’roopa.
If you want to foist unnecessary complications and explanations on your child – especially as they encounter teachers, friends and potential employers, an inessential apostrophe is a great way to do it.
Beware of the cute for those who can’t decide
If you have two names you love, and can’t decide which to use, why not combine them to come up with something new altogether?
In a recent survey some parents combined Samantha and Amanda and amalgamated them to make the new name Samanda. NOT Salamander. Another example is Samantha and Isabella becoming Samisa.
Maybe dwarf names aren’t so bad after all
Compared to some of the names that are becoming something like popular, Sneezy, Dopey and Grumpy don’t seem so bad as we once thought.
Give me a prefix
Adding prefixes to names is another idea. For example changing Anne to Deanna or Luca to Maluca.
Or how about, instead of Bill or Alice, “UnBill” or “Anti’Alice”?
Attaching a prefix or suffix onto an original name has been a long-established way of putting a modern twist to a classic name.
Some of the most popular prefixes include ‘Da’, as in Dashawna, and ‘La’ as in Lavonne.
Delinda or Unsusan must be out there somewhere.
For whatever reason, prefix usage peaked in 1984 with almost 1% of baby girls being given prefix names. Within the top 1000 baby names in 1984, there were 17 prefix names.
Place names
Brooklyn, Dakota, Catalina, Sicily and Diego are relatively popular place-based baby names.
I am still waiting for Orting or Spanaway to catch on as baby names.
I must admit that they would be tough to live up to…
There are also space related names like Orion, Jupiter and Galaxy.
You can see more possible space names here.
Boy names
For whatever reason, creating/mangling girl names is easier, or at least more common.
If your brainpower isn’t at capacity for coming up with a suitable name for that male baby in your life, you could always cheat and come up with a name from a baby boy name generator like this one.
Is everyone here named “Matt”?
For whatever reason, certain names take hold and become semi-universal. Some of these for boys, are Mason, Noah and Matt. Michael, James and Will (or William) are semi-permanent on the naming landscape.
To keep tabs on (or avoid) super-popular names, keep an eye here.
Baby name laws in some regions, like Germany, are strict and do not allow you to use last names, objects, or products.
What child wouldn’t remember the story behind their name and be excited to share that story with every stranger, date or potential employer?
One of my cousins, for example, named his first (unexpected) child Jake – as in “Jake the mistake”.
Don’t we all love to live in the perpetual shadow of our parent’s choices, fears and precious pop culture references? At least we don’t have to justify their previous fashion disasters.
If you are baffled by, or can’t even begin to pronounce the name of a new baby, feel free to respond with the near-universal (and safe) response – “Is that a family name?”
Who knows? Maybe in generation or two, it will be.
And keep in mind that if your spell checker doesn’t like it, your child probably won’t either.
